[ just desserts ]

i'm a monster.

i've come to hate myself for what i've done. i've hurt the person i love more so than i can ever imagine, and i did it knowingly. i did it hoping the consequences wouldn't be so dire. i did it because i was only thinking of myself, and not how it would hurt her, not how it would hurt my relationship.

i'm torn to pieces. i don't blame her for hating me. i'd hate me. hell, i do hate me.

she's right. i don't deserve anything more than this. i had her. i had everything. i had someone i loved with every inch of my body, and i had someone who felt the same way about me. why is it that i'm such an idiot and let that all slip away. why did i do it.

how can i not see that i was hurting someone that i love?

i'm just so blind. and now it's too late.

yesterday, it seemed like i had it all.
yesterday, it seemed like i finally caught a break.
yesterday, i could be happy.

today, i let it all go down.
today, i made a mistake.
today, i didn't know how to say no.
today, i signed my life away.
today, i have myself to blame.
today, my life took a nosedive.

and today, with a flick of a wrist, forever was gone in an instant.

tomorrow, i have nothing.

everybody should just throw knives at me. it's not like they hurt. they just go straight, through me.