[ undeserving ]

I'll be honest.

I've avoided writing in here because this place is so filled with sad shit that has basically made it lose its original purpose of me scribbling down random thoughts. and maybe because of that, I just don't ever want to write in here to falsely convince myself and avoid reminding myself of all the things I've screwed up and continue to screw up.

Times like these I feel like she deserves someone better than me, and I know she feels that way too. The amount of crap i put her through, the fights over such stupid things I can avoid doing easily if I just thought about it for any time at all.

But I never want to tell her because I know she'll agree with me and put her foot down for the last time, and decide it really isn't worth it. Even though I know she doesn't deserve it, I continue to be selfish and try to keep her with me. I'm a selfish fool and she is the one to pay for it. and as selfish as this sounds, I hope that she'll still love me.